I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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