idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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