I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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