Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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