woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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