She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
