i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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