i need an iv and a liver transplant
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
