He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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