You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
