I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
babies were throwing up all over the place
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
