She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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