I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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