I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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