you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I would ride that face into the sunset
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
