Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
