you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
