I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
