I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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