My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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