fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I need moral support for this bender
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
