All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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