There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
