Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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