I am puke
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
