Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
