all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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