the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
