just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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