i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
