You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
