i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
