Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
bring money and cleavage
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
