she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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