After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
