Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
