paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
