The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
