Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
