I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
