Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize