i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
