he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
