we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is it penis luge time yet?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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