i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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