Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Randomize
