she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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