I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
