I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
