I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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