Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
