I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
