So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
