i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
