So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
