dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
