I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
These tits shall not be calmed
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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