I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
