I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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