Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
