whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
