forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
