I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
