so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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