how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize