I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
