I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think your dad took our porno
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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