I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
