Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize