I'm going to jail i love you
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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