hotel room ftw
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
