Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize