I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
