It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
